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Table of contents
PREFACE
EROTIC SYMBOLISM-1.1
EROTIC SYMBOLISM-1.2
EROTIC SYMBOLISM-2.1
EROTIC SYMBOLISM-2.2
EROTIC SYMBOLISM-2.3
EROTIC SYMBOLISM-2.4
EROTIC SYMBOLISM-2.5
EROTIC SYMBOLISM-3.1
EROTIC SYMBOLISM-3.2
EROTIC SYMBOLISM-3.3
EROTIC SYMBOLISM-3.4
EROTIC SYMBOLISM-3.5
EROTIC SYMBOLISM-4.1
EROTIC SYMBOLISM-4.2
EROTIC SYMBOLISM-4.3
EROTIC SYMBOLISM-5.1
EROTIC SYMBOLISM-5.2
EROTIC SYMBOLISM-5.3
EROTIC SYMBOLISM-6
THE MECHANISM OF DETUMESCENCE-1.1
THE MECHANISM OF DETUMESCENCE-1.2
THE MECHANISM OF DETUMESCENCE-1.3
THE MECHANISM OF DETUMESCENCE-1.4
THE MECHANISM OF DETUMESCENCE-2.1
THE MECHANISM OF DETUMESCENCE-2.2
THE MECHANISM OF DETUMESCENCE-2.3
THE MECHANISM OF DETUMESCENCE-2.4
THE MECHANISM OF DETUMESCENCE-3.1
THE MECHANISM OF DETUMESCENCE-3.2
THE MECHANISM OF DETUMESCENCE-4.1
THE MECHANISM OF DETUMESCENCE-4.2
THE MECHANISM OF DETUMESCENCE-4.3
THE PSYCHIC STATE IN PREGNANCY-1
THE PSYCHIC STATE IN PREGNANCY-2
THE PSYCHIC STATE IN PREGNANCY-3
THE PSYCHIC STATE IN PREGNANCY-4
HISTORIES OF SEXUAL DEVELOPMENT HISTORY-1.1
HISTORIES OF SEXUAL DEVELOPMENT HISTORY-1.2
HISTORIES OF SEXUAL DEVELOPMENT HISTORY-2.1
HISTORIES OF SEXUAL DEVELOPMENT HISTORY-2.2
HISTORIES OF SEXUAL DEVELOPMENT HISTORY-3-4
HISTORIES OF SEXUAL DEVELOPMENT HISTORY-5.1
HISTORIES OF SEXUAL DEVELOPMENT HISTORY-5.2
INDEX OF AUTHORS

who were chiefly creatures of my imagination, but at times 

borrowed from reality. These others were always boys until I 

learned the proper function of the sexual organs, when girls 

usurped the whole stage in numbers beyond the limits of a Turkish 

harem. Even at school my day-dreams were scarcely interrupted, 

for my shyness and timidity made me very unpopular among my 

schoolmates, who tormented me after the fashion of small boys or 

neglected me, as the spirit moved them. To make matters worse, I 

was brought up under the "sheltered life system," kept carefully 

away from the "bad boys," which category included nearly all the 

youngsters of the community, and deluged with moral homilies and 

tirades on things religious until I was thoroughly convinced that 

goodness and discomfort, the right and the unpleasant, were 

strictly synonymous; and I was kept through much of the time 

facing the prospect of an early death, to be followed by the good 

old orthodox hell or the equal miseries of its gorgeous 

alternative. I may say in all seriousness that this is a 

conservative and unexaggerated account of one phase of my early 

life--the one, I think, that tended most strongly to make me 

introspective and morbid. Later on, when I was trying to abandon 

the habit of masturbation, this early training greatly increased 

the despair I felt at each successive failure. 

 

The first traces of sexual excitement that I can now recall 

occurred when I was about 4 years old. I had erections quite 

frequently and found a mild pleasure in fondling my genitals when 

these occurred, especially just after waking in the morning. I 

had no notion of an orgasm, and never succeeded in producing one 

until I was 13 years of age. In the summer of my sixth year I 

experienced pleasurable sensations in daubing my genitals with 

oil and then fondling or rubbing them, but I abandoned this 

amusement after getting some irritating substance into the 

meatus. A year later my mother warned me that playing with my 

penis would "make me very sick," but since experience had taught 

me that this was not true, my conviction that what was forbidden 

must necessarily be pleasant, sent me directly to my favorite 

retreat in the barn loft to experiment. Since, however, I failed, 

in spite of persistent effort, to produce any such pleasant 

results as I had expected, I soon gave up my attempts for other 

kinds of amusement. 

 

A few months after this, in midsummer, a very sensual servant 

girl began a series of attempts to satisfy herself sexually with 

my help. She came nearly every day into the loft where I was 

playing and did her best to initiate me into the mysteries of 

sexual relationships, but I proved a sorry pupil. She would rub 

my penis until it became erect and then, placing me upon her, 

would insert the penis in her vulva and make movements of her 

thighs and hips calculated to cause friction. At times she varied 

the program by lying upon me and embracing me passionately. I can 

remember distinctly her quick, gasping breath and convulsive 


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