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Table of contents
PREFACE
EROTIC SYMBOLISM-1.1
EROTIC SYMBOLISM-1.2
EROTIC SYMBOLISM-2.1
EROTIC SYMBOLISM-2.2
EROTIC SYMBOLISM-2.3
EROTIC SYMBOLISM-2.4
EROTIC SYMBOLISM-2.5
EROTIC SYMBOLISM-3.1
EROTIC SYMBOLISM-3.2
EROTIC SYMBOLISM-3.3
EROTIC SYMBOLISM-3.4
EROTIC SYMBOLISM-3.5
EROTIC SYMBOLISM-4.1
EROTIC SYMBOLISM-4.2
EROTIC SYMBOLISM-4.3
EROTIC SYMBOLISM-5.1
EROTIC SYMBOLISM-5.2
EROTIC SYMBOLISM-5.3
EROTIC SYMBOLISM-6
THE MECHANISM OF DETUMESCENCE-1.1
THE MECHANISM OF DETUMESCENCE-1.2
THE MECHANISM OF DETUMESCENCE-1.3
THE MECHANISM OF DETUMESCENCE-1.4
THE MECHANISM OF DETUMESCENCE-2.1
THE MECHANISM OF DETUMESCENCE-2.2
THE MECHANISM OF DETUMESCENCE-2.3
THE MECHANISM OF DETUMESCENCE-2.4
THE MECHANISM OF DETUMESCENCE-3.1
THE MECHANISM OF DETUMESCENCE-3.2
THE MECHANISM OF DETUMESCENCE-4.1
THE MECHANISM OF DETUMESCENCE-4.2
THE MECHANISM OF DETUMESCENCE-4.3
THE PSYCHIC STATE IN PREGNANCY-1
THE PSYCHIC STATE IN PREGNANCY-2
THE PSYCHIC STATE IN PREGNANCY-3
THE PSYCHIC STATE IN PREGNANCY-4
HISTORIES OF SEXUAL DEVELOPMENT HISTORY-1.1
HISTORIES OF SEXUAL DEVELOPMENT HISTORY-1.2
HISTORIES OF SEXUAL DEVELOPMENT HISTORY-2.1
HISTORIES OF SEXUAL DEVELOPMENT HISTORY-2.2
HISTORIES OF SEXUAL DEVELOPMENT HISTORY-3-4
HISTORIES OF SEXUAL DEVELOPMENT HISTORY-5.1
HISTORIES OF SEXUAL DEVELOPMENT HISTORY-5.2
INDEX OF AUTHORS

 

I came to the point of agreeing with A., who said: "Everyone is 

smutty." Indeed I lived in a lustful world, and yet my mind was 

bent also on books, and writing, and the outdoor world. I was 

overgrown and splendidly developed, with a medium-sized penis and 

a scant growth of pubic hair. My face wore a somewhat infantile 

expression. My mouth was a perfect "Cupid's bow," my hair thin 

and light. I was troubled about my snub-nose, which gave the boys 

a great deal of amusement. As a matter of fact I exaggerated its 

upward tendency out of my morbid self-consciousness and 

cowardice. My imagination was extraordinarily intense, as it had 

always been. I was sensitive to smells and sounds and colors and 

personalities, and to the subtle influence of the night. I was 

timid and easily moved to tears, but not from any physical 

weakness until after. At the lower house there was the boy Z., 

famed for his large penis; and the older G., a boy of 15, who was 

the leader in sexuality at his dormitory. Z. showed me his penis 

and exposed his glans often enough, but we did not manipulate 

each other. G. told us to notice how large a space his penis 

occupied in his trousers, and laughed over Z.'s custom of 

masturbating by means of a narrow vase. G.'s special lover was a 

nervous boy of ten. It is remarkable that none of us mentioned 

_fellatio_ or _paedicatio_. These acts may have occurred at 

school, but not to my knowledge. We did not have much to say 

sexually about the girls. We heard rumors of a 16-year-old, V., 

who had been sent away from school for coitus; and my first 

room-mate was said to have obtained _conjunctio_ with a girl 

under cover of the chapel shed. Once A. and I pointed a telescope 

at the open windows of the girls' dormitory, but we saw nothing 

to interest us. A day-scholar, J., a pale, nervous, bright boy of 

13, took me into the study of his uncle-physician and together we 

gloated over pictures of the sexual organs. A. was with us on one 

occasion. J. told me how he liked to roll over and over in bed 

with his hand placed under his scrotum. This act, he said, made 

him imagine that he was obtaining coitus. He advised me to slide 

my penis back and forth in the vagina whenever I should actually 

obtain coitus. In my room at school J. once drew an imaginary map 

of a bagnio, in which the water-closet was carefully displayed 

_en suite_ with the bedrooms. J. and I never masturbated 

together. Indeed, I cannot remember seeing his organ. A hulking 

boy of 16, who lived opposite the school-grounds, became intimate 

with J., and we three went on a walk up the railroad track. The 

big boy, W., tried to inflame my passions by telling me how he 

and J. had had coitus with a handsome black-haired widow in town, 

but I remained cold. 

 

 

 

During this year I fell in love with C., a popular, talkative, 

witty boy of my own age, or perhaps a year younger. He fancied me 

and we slept together one night under the most innocent 

circumstances. I never dreamed of having sexual relations with 

him, and yet I fairly burned with love for him. My stay at his 


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