Main  Contacts  
Table of contents
PREFACE
EROTIC SYMBOLISM-1.1
EROTIC SYMBOLISM-1.2
EROTIC SYMBOLISM-2.1
EROTIC SYMBOLISM-2.2
EROTIC SYMBOLISM-2.3
EROTIC SYMBOLISM-2.4
EROTIC SYMBOLISM-2.5
EROTIC SYMBOLISM-3.1
EROTIC SYMBOLISM-3.2
EROTIC SYMBOLISM-3.3
EROTIC SYMBOLISM-3.4
EROTIC SYMBOLISM-3.5
EROTIC SYMBOLISM-4.1
EROTIC SYMBOLISM-4.2
EROTIC SYMBOLISM-4.3
EROTIC SYMBOLISM-5.1
EROTIC SYMBOLISM-5.2
EROTIC SYMBOLISM-5.3
EROTIC SYMBOLISM-6
THE MECHANISM OF DETUMESCENCE-1.1
THE MECHANISM OF DETUMESCENCE-1.2
THE MECHANISM OF DETUMESCENCE-1.3
THE MECHANISM OF DETUMESCENCE-1.4
THE MECHANISM OF DETUMESCENCE-2.1
THE MECHANISM OF DETUMESCENCE-2.2
THE MECHANISM OF DETUMESCENCE-2.3
THE MECHANISM OF DETUMESCENCE-2.4
THE MECHANISM OF DETUMESCENCE-3.1
THE MECHANISM OF DETUMESCENCE-3.2
THE MECHANISM OF DETUMESCENCE-4.1
THE MECHANISM OF DETUMESCENCE-4.2
THE MECHANISM OF DETUMESCENCE-4.3
THE PSYCHIC STATE IN PREGNANCY-1
THE PSYCHIC STATE IN PREGNANCY-2
THE PSYCHIC STATE IN PREGNANCY-3
THE PSYCHIC STATE IN PREGNANCY-4
HISTORIES OF SEXUAL DEVELOPMENT HISTORY-1.1
HISTORIES OF SEXUAL DEVELOPMENT HISTORY-1.2
HISTORIES OF SEXUAL DEVELOPMENT HISTORY-2.1
HISTORIES OF SEXUAL DEVELOPMENT HISTORY-2.2
HISTORIES OF SEXUAL DEVELOPMENT HISTORY-3-4
HISTORIES OF SEXUAL DEVELOPMENT HISTORY-5.1
HISTORIES OF SEXUAL DEVELOPMENT HISTORY-5.2
INDEX OF AUTHORS

embrace her in bed and fondle her genitals. I had done these 

things during my Christmas vacation of the year before. I mildly 

reproached myself for such incestuous desires, but they recurred 

continually. I dreamed little. And I cannot remember the 

character of my dreams. My waking _libido_ spent itself mostly in 

longings to embrace (without lustful acts) the forms of little 

boys of exquisite blonde beauty and thick hair. Narcissism may 

have been present, for in my twelfth year I had been told that at 

the age of 5 and 6 I was an extraordinarily beautiful little 

creature with long, lint-white hair. The preferable age was from 

6 to 9. My eye was alert on the streets for boys answering to 

this description, and a street boy with long, white hair so won 

my passion that I followed him to his home and asked his mother 

if he might call on me and "play some games." As I did not even 

know the boy's name and had never seen him before, I was 

wonderingly refused. I sought in vain to find the whereabouts of 

another long-haired street boy whom I burned to embrace and load 

with benefits. I had a boundless desire for such a boy as this to 

idolize me--to look into my face out of big eyes and lose himself 

in love for me--to call me by endearing pet names--of his own 

accord to throw his arms around my neck. This second actual boy 

disappeared from my horizon by presumably moving away from the 

vast city neighborhood. I took a fancy to a small boy at school, 

who possessed the requisite delicacy, timidity, and sweetness, if 

not the physical requisites, of my beau ideal. I walked with him 

in the park and planned to have him at the house; but the matter 

was not arranged. At boarding-school I had associated much with 

younger and weaker boys, and had been ridiculed much for my 

cowardice in sports, but at the city school I moved with my 

equals and won their recognition. Our gymnasium director was 

middle-aged and of an indolent disposition. He liked to recall 

his youthful erections and to answer my sexual queries too fully, 

and cheerfully volunteered information on brothels. Yet I doubt 

whether he had an evil purpose in conversing with me. I thought I 

should never dare or want to enter one. I always conjured up the 

picture of a row of naked women from whom I could take my pick, 

and the smell of the women I imagined to be identical with the 

smell of my big friend A. at boarding-school. When I was 

traveling down town on an elevated train one afternoon the 

brakeman asked me whether I had ever been in a brothel, and told 

me that disorderly houses abounded in my neighborhood. "I have 

had connection with women," said this red-haired young man, 

waving his hand in greeting to a woman who nodded at him from a 

window, "since I was 15 years old. Not long ago a fine-looking, 

young woman in black offered to pay all my expenses if I would 

live with her and connect with her." 

 

When a girl of perhaps 7, a distant cousin of mine, visited us 

for a few days, I gratified my lust by placing my hand under her 


Page 5 from 7:  Back   1   2   3   4  [5]  6   7   Forward