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Table of contents
PREFACE
EROTIC SYMBOLISM-1.1
EROTIC SYMBOLISM-1.2
EROTIC SYMBOLISM-2.1
EROTIC SYMBOLISM-2.2
EROTIC SYMBOLISM-2.3
EROTIC SYMBOLISM-2.4
EROTIC SYMBOLISM-2.5
EROTIC SYMBOLISM-3.1
EROTIC SYMBOLISM-3.2
EROTIC SYMBOLISM-3.3
EROTIC SYMBOLISM-3.4
EROTIC SYMBOLISM-3.5
EROTIC SYMBOLISM-4.1
EROTIC SYMBOLISM-4.2
EROTIC SYMBOLISM-4.3
EROTIC SYMBOLISM-5.1
EROTIC SYMBOLISM-5.2
EROTIC SYMBOLISM-5.3
EROTIC SYMBOLISM-6
THE MECHANISM OF DETUMESCENCE-1.1
THE MECHANISM OF DETUMESCENCE-1.2
THE MECHANISM OF DETUMESCENCE-1.3
THE MECHANISM OF DETUMESCENCE-1.4
THE MECHANISM OF DETUMESCENCE-2.1
THE MECHANISM OF DETUMESCENCE-2.2
THE MECHANISM OF DETUMESCENCE-2.3
THE MECHANISM OF DETUMESCENCE-2.4
THE MECHANISM OF DETUMESCENCE-3.1
THE MECHANISM OF DETUMESCENCE-3.2
THE MECHANISM OF DETUMESCENCE-4.1
THE MECHANISM OF DETUMESCENCE-4.2
THE MECHANISM OF DETUMESCENCE-4.3
THE PSYCHIC STATE IN PREGNANCY-1
THE PSYCHIC STATE IN PREGNANCY-2
THE PSYCHIC STATE IN PREGNANCY-3
THE PSYCHIC STATE IN PREGNANCY-4
HISTORIES OF SEXUAL DEVELOPMENT HISTORY-1.1
HISTORIES OF SEXUAL DEVELOPMENT HISTORY-1.2
HISTORIES OF SEXUAL DEVELOPMENT HISTORY-2.1
HISTORIES OF SEXUAL DEVELOPMENT HISTORY-2.2
HISTORIES OF SEXUAL DEVELOPMENT HISTORY-3-4
HISTORIES OF SEXUAL DEVELOPMENT HISTORY-5.1
HISTORIES OF SEXUAL DEVELOPMENT HISTORY-5.2
INDEX OF AUTHORS

smiling sadly. I don't know what motive prompted me--whether my 

vanity was alarmed at her threatened desertion or that she had 

really made some impression on me by her love, probably a little 

of both--but I said: "No, don't; come and sit down here," making 

way for her, and she joyfully came and nestled against me. From 

that time I ceased to treat her with ridicule, and kissed her at 

other times than when on the stage. I was subject still to black 

moods, and would not speak to her for hours sometimes, but she 

seemed content to walk with me and was infinitely patient. I had 

heard she was living with--if not married to--an actor. I asked 

her about him once, and she said she did not love him; she loved 

me and had never loved before. Her face had a touching sadness; 

her life had been unhappy and stormy, with no love and little 

rest in it. Her face, when she had lost her dissipated look and 

unhealthy pallor, was exquisite, delicate as a cameo. Love had 

improved her manners, too; she was more gentle and refined. I let 

things drift without thinking of the future, when one night 

after the performance--I was lying on the sofa and A. was sitting 

at my side, as usual--I suddenly thought, with the brutality that 

characterized me in these matters--"I will ask her to let me 

sleep with her." I still fought against any premonitory thought 

of self-abuse, but here, I thought to myself, is a chance of 

something better that will do me no harm and perhaps good. When 

she understood me she turned very red and walked away, shaking 

her head. But I let her understand that was the only way of 

retaining me, and finally, when they had all gone to bed, she 

gave herself to me, reluctantly and sadly; for she, too, had been 

drifting on without thinking of anything of this sort (she hated 

it at this time), but just living for her love of me, her first 

true love. 

 

Before this occurred, I must tell you, I had been so much better 

that I sometimes felt capable of doing anything, a sense of power 

and grasp of intellect which was combined with delicacy of 

feeling and sensitiveness to beauty, to skies and clouds and 

flowers. I seemed to be awakening to true manhood, to my true 

self. And at meals, it is worth recording, I commenced to have a 

distaste for meat. 

 

These glimpses of a better state of things left me on cohabiting 

with A., and for a time my gloom and black religious mania came 

on me once more. I now thought of my promise at confirmation, and 

it seemed to me I had offended beyond pardon. When we came to the 

next town, however, I openly slept with A. all night, leaving my 

own bed untouched. When we returned to Adelaide one of our party 

remarked: "The only man who had any success with the women on the 

tour was a Bible-reading, praying, and good, pious, confirmed 

Christian." 

 

A.'s nascent beauty and delicacy and improvement were gradually 

impaired, too. My own conduct became so morose at times that, 

besides increasing her misery, I offended the others, and 

bickerings ensued. I heard the other actress say "He's mad; that 


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