Main  Contacts  
Table of contents
PREFACE
EROTIC SYMBOLISM-1.1
EROTIC SYMBOLISM-1.2
EROTIC SYMBOLISM-2.1
EROTIC SYMBOLISM-2.2
EROTIC SYMBOLISM-2.3
EROTIC SYMBOLISM-2.4
EROTIC SYMBOLISM-2.5
EROTIC SYMBOLISM-3.1
EROTIC SYMBOLISM-3.2
EROTIC SYMBOLISM-3.3
EROTIC SYMBOLISM-3.4
EROTIC SYMBOLISM-3.5
EROTIC SYMBOLISM-4.1
EROTIC SYMBOLISM-4.2
EROTIC SYMBOLISM-4.3
EROTIC SYMBOLISM-5.1
EROTIC SYMBOLISM-5.2
EROTIC SYMBOLISM-5.3
EROTIC SYMBOLISM-6
THE MECHANISM OF DETUMESCENCE-1.1
THE MECHANISM OF DETUMESCENCE-1.2
THE MECHANISM OF DETUMESCENCE-1.3
THE MECHANISM OF DETUMESCENCE-1.4
THE MECHANISM OF DETUMESCENCE-2.1
THE MECHANISM OF DETUMESCENCE-2.2
THE MECHANISM OF DETUMESCENCE-2.3
THE MECHANISM OF DETUMESCENCE-2.4
THE MECHANISM OF DETUMESCENCE-3.1
THE MECHANISM OF DETUMESCENCE-3.2
THE MECHANISM OF DETUMESCENCE-4.1
THE MECHANISM OF DETUMESCENCE-4.2
THE MECHANISM OF DETUMESCENCE-4.3
THE PSYCHIC STATE IN PREGNANCY-1
THE PSYCHIC STATE IN PREGNANCY-2
THE PSYCHIC STATE IN PREGNANCY-3
THE PSYCHIC STATE IN PREGNANCY-4
HISTORIES OF SEXUAL DEVELOPMENT HISTORY-1.1
HISTORIES OF SEXUAL DEVELOPMENT HISTORY-1.2
HISTORIES OF SEXUAL DEVELOPMENT HISTORY-2.1
HISTORIES OF SEXUAL DEVELOPMENT HISTORY-2.2
HISTORIES OF SEXUAL DEVELOPMENT HISTORY-3-4
HISTORIES OF SEXUAL DEVELOPMENT HISTORY-5.1
HISTORIES OF SEXUAL DEVELOPMENT HISTORY-5.2
INDEX OF AUTHORS

 

 

After an absence I found myself one evening in a town where A. 

was performing. I went round to the back and they told me she had 

gone to a room in the hotel to change for another part. I 

followed and entered the room, with a glass of spirits I found 

that an effeminate young actor was bringing to her. She was half 

undressed, her beautiful arms and shoulders bare. My arrival was 

unexpected and she looked at me surprised, I thought coldly, as I 

reproached her for not keeping a promise she had made to me to 

touch no alcohol during the tour, but soon her arms were round my 

neck. She cried like a child. She was bigger and handsomer and 

healthier. There was not only an increased strength and size, but 

an increased delicacy and sweetness; her eyes and brows were 

lovely; there was an indescribable bloom and fragrance on her, 

such as the sun leaves on a peach; the traveling, country air, 

and freedom from coitus (had I known it) had enabled her to 

arrive at her true self, not only a beautiful woman, but a woman 

of fascination, of wit, vivacity and universal _camaraderie_. Her 

face was like the dawn; all my fears and jealousy left me like a 

cloud that melts before the sun. I remember the look on her face 

as she embraced me in bed that night. It had just the very 

smallest touch of sensuality, but was more like some beautiful 

child's who is being caressed by one she loves; this divine, 

drowsy-eyed, adorable look I had never seen on her face 

before--nor have I since. 

 

We fell back into our old lustful ways. Later on A. became ill 

and the black devil of epilepsy returned. I became gloomy.... A 

restlessness and selfish brutality came over me; our love and 

peace were gone. I persuaded A. to go to Melbourne and look out 

for an engagement. The day before she was to sail we went to 

Glenelg for a trip. The sea air, as often happened, precipitated 

A.'s fits. We had gone down to the pier and A. said she felt bad. 

I just managed to support her to the hotel before she became 

stiff, and I made some impatient remark (for she nearly dragged 

me down) which she heard, not being quite unconscious and said 

half incoherently and very pitiably: "Be kind, oh, be kind!" 

repeating it after consciousness left her. Her heart had been 

breaking all day at the prospect of parting, and also, I expect, 

because I was so ready to part with her. That moment was a crisis 

in my life. I was in a murderous humor, but she looked so 

unutterably wretched that it seemed impossible to be anything but 

kind. I made myself speak lovingly to her, in moments of partial 

consciousness, hired a room, carried her up, and nursed her and 

petted her all night. The act of self-control, and forcing 

myself to be kind whatever I felt, became a habit in time, a sort 

of second nature. 

 

In a few days she sailed. When she had gone I was remorseful and 

mad with myself. How could I let her go by herself? I resolved to 

follow her as speedily as possible, and did so. 

 

If I remember rightly I came to the conclusion about this time 

that we ought not to have coition unless we felt great love for 


Page 1 from 7: [1]  2   3   4   5   6   7   Forward